Custody Mediation for Perfectly Imperfect Families
Are you getting divorced and struggling to figure out a parenting plan that meets the needs of your new family structure?
Are you already divorced but trying to change a parenting plan that isn’t working?
Are you and the other parent spending your time fighting without finding a resolution?
Child custody mediation from a trained mediator with over 10 years of experience matching parenting plans to the needs of families in Connecticut can help you create a new normal for your perfectly imperfect family.
What is Custody Mediation?
Custody mediation is a process where you and your co-parent meet with a trained mediator to discuss parenting access and other issues affecting the children’s lives. The court may recommend mediation, or you and your co-parent may decide to seek mediation on your own.
The mediation process
The mediation process starts with a consultation call where we discuss your goals for mediation. Then, we’ll meet with you and your co-parent to discuss areas of dispute and areas of agreement. If necessary, this session can be done separately.
For meditation to succeed, both co-parents must be present and buy into the process. During our sessions, we’ll discuss:
- Financial considerations: child support, alimony, health care, education costs
- Visitation issues, including: parenting time: holiday schedules, vacation schedules, weekly visitation schedules
- Educational and religious decision making
- Extracurriculars such as sports, summer camps, etc., for the minor children
- Birthdays including those of the children and co-parents.
- And anything else you and your co-parent struggle to agree on.
Your mediator will create draft documents based on your sessions that you can take to court and turn into a formal agreement. These documents will simplify the court process and result in less time and money spent on legal matters.
Benefits of Custody Mediation
You’ll have many difficult decisions when you and your partner decide to end your partnership. Your emotions are easily triggered, and you’re likely to experience conflict. Choosing to mediate your parenting plan can help in a variety of ways.
- When you choose a mediation process to determine custody arrangements instead of asking the courts to decide on behalf of your children, you are in control of the outcome.
- A mediator is a person trained in conflict resolution, so you know you’re making decisions based on what’s best for your children rather than your emotions.
- A custody mediator understands all the options available and child custody issues and can help you create a custody agreement that considers your unique situation.
- Having an agreed-upon parenting agreement can help simplify the court process.
- A trained custody mediator will help you make decisions about the future so your parenting plan has longevity. This enables you to avoid costly child custody disputes and keeps your family out of the court system as much as possible.
- During your mediation sessions, your mediator will guide you in effective communication strategies. When you and your co-parent learn how to communicate effectively, your children benefit because of reduced conflict.
- Working with a mediator is less expensive and yields faster results than using multiple lawyers.
- Mediation offers more privacy because what’s said in the office stays there. Making decisions in court means everything you say is recorded. Mediation offers a way to find a compromise without worrying that everything you say will be part of court records.
- Working with an LCSW means you’re working with someone who has knowledge of children’s needs at different developmental stages. They’ll help you make decisions with your children’s changing needs in mind.
- Your mediator can help you communicate about divorce or separation with your children in ways that are developmentally appropriate.
- Mediation can reduce the likelihood of parental alienation. Working with a mediator can help you and your co-parent learn to communicate well with each other and speak appropriately with your children. Your children will see that their parents conduct themselves well which will lessen their anxiety.
What is a Parenting Plan?
A parenting plan is a document filed with the court that lists specific items in three categories.
- Definition of legal custody: this defines who makes major decisions for the children about education, medical care, etc.
- The parental access schedule details a weekly visitation schedule for the children and holiday and vacation schedules.
- Important miscellaneous provisions include how new partners are introduced to the children, relocation, travel notifications, and a ”right of first refusal.”
Parenting plans are subject to modification if a change in family circumstances warrants it. A mediator can help with a new or revised parenting plan.
Why Do We Need a Parenting Plan?
The short answer is that a parenting plan helps ensure everyone’s expectations regarding parenting minor children are the same. Expectations not spelled out in a parenting plan are a recipe for disappointment and resentment. A mediated agreement that is comprehensive and in the best interests of the children ensures that you and your co-parent can
- Meet the children’s needs.
- Avoid conflict over parenting access.
- Plan for your parenting time (and the time you don’t have children in your care).
- Move forward with your life – this includes career advancement, meeting a new partner, or even planning vacations.
What are the Types of Custody?
Custody is divided up into legal and physical custody. You’ll need to make decisions about both types in your parenting plan. The goal should be to do what’s best for the children and cause as little disruption to their lives as possible.
Legal Custody
Legal custody is who makes the decisions about the children’s education, religion, and medical treatment. Legal custody can be awarded to both parents or one parent, depending on what’s in the best interests of the children.
Physical Custody
Physical custody determines where the children live. The goal in Connecticut is that s long as it’s safe and reasonable, parents should have shared physical custody. Shared custody occurs when the children live with both parents for a substantial amount of time. The time isn’t necessarily equal but is as close to 50/50 as working for the family.
Occasionally sole physical custody is the right decision for a family. Sole physical custody means the child resides primarily with one parent. The non-custodial parent has reasonable visitation rights in most cases. During mediation, we can discuss potential schedules that will work for your family.
How Does Mediation Affect Child Support?
Child Support is not part of your parenting plan. Child support is determined by guidelines that use an “income shares” model. This means parents should pay the same percentage of their income to support their children as they wouldn’t have if they hadn’t divorced.
It may be valuable to discuss who pays for health insurance, extracurricular activities, child care, and other expenses related to the children so you can detail those items in your final agreement. Still, custody mediation is not the place to determine child support.
What if I’m Already Divorced?
When you’re first getting divorced, there’s no way you can plan for all the ways your family will change in the future kids’ ages, extracurriculars, parent jobs, relocation, etc.
If you’re already divorced, changing your parenting plan requires that you have a change in life circumstances. This change must mean that the current plan no longer meets your children’s needs. Some reasons for modifying a parenting plan include:
- Change in jobs for either parent.
- Remarriage for either parent.
- Relocation for either parent.
- Changing schools or school schedules for your children, such as the start of high school.
- Adverse effects on development in the children due to the current plan.
- The maturation of children requires more age-appropriate schedules to accommodate their social or extracurricular programs.
- Unfit parenting status for either parent.
What Does a Custody Mediator Do?
A custody mediator is a neutral third party with special training in resolving conflict. They will ask the hard questions you may not think about when going through such a difficult time in your life. When you use a mediator, your parenting plan has longevity so that you already have a plan in place when something happens in the future.
You and your co-parent may not look at your parenting plan often, but a parenting plan is your fall-back document when something that’s out of the ordinary. It creates a safety net for you and your children, so your decisions are in their best interests.
Start Your Mediation Process
We offer a free consultation where we ask questions to determine your conflict areas. We’ll determine if our services can meet your needs, and you’ll get to know your mediator. Contact our office today by calling 203-292-0855 or emailing us using the contact page.
Frequently Asked Questions
You likely have some questions if you’re just starting a private mediation program. Here are a few FAQs our clients routinely ask during consultation calls. If you have additional questions, schedule a free consultation, we’re happy to answer them individually.
How much does custody mediation cost in CT?
Mediation sessions are $150 for one hour. We offer packages based on your needs.
I‘m able to offer a sliding scale based on income. We can discuss your situation during our consultation call.
How often do we have to meet with our mediator? How long does mediation take?
Each custody mediation case is unique, so there is no standard duration. The more often we meet, the faster your mediation process. We offer weekly, biweekly, or monthly sessions depending on your unique needs and family makeup. We meet with individuals or couples via telehealth.
What if my co-parent doesn’t want to see a mediator?
For custody mediation to be successful, both parties have to buy in. If your co-parent isn‘t interested in mediation, you can still work to improve your co-parenting relationship and keep the best interests of your children in mind as you move through the complex court process. We offer parenting consulting or coaching services that you can work on individually if your co-parent does not want to pursue mediation.
Act 2 Custody Mediation and Divorce Coaching 